For now I can only dream.

I dreamed of you last night for what feels like the thousandth time.
We were both in the place that I last saw you, and I was trying to give you the impression that I didn’t need to be around you. I didn’t want to feel anything for you, I didn’t want to need you to be happy. That part parallels reality.

In the dream, it was nighttime. We were with our friends, just sitting around talking. A while later, everyone got up and we were scattered around the room. I got up and sat beside you but neither of us really said anything.

Finally, you got up and so did I, and we were walking to go outside. We walked through door and you took my hand and led me away from the house. You stopped once we were far enough and just looked at me. I didn’t know what you were about to say, but I knew it was going to be good.

In that moment, I woke up. I thought my heart was going to physically break into pieces. Tears were streaming down my face at the thought of what had been about to happen. I had woken up, yet again, just before the moment that you told me what I wanted to hear.

Maybe I woke up because God was having mercy on my heart. He knew that if I dreamed it, I’d long even more for it to be real. He knew how much I feel for you, and He didn’t want me to be in any more pain.

For now I can only hope that someday it’ll happen in real life. And that I won’t wake up just before you tell me that I’m the one you’ve been looking for, and you can’t imagine loving anyone else. For now, I can only take refuge in the dream.