Courage, come soon...

You walked into the room, and I didn’t even look up. I didn’t want you to have one ounce of power over me. I pretended to be disinterested and not care that you were right here in front of me for the first time in way too long.

A moment later, we were sitting on my bed. Well, you were sitting. I was lying on my stomach, showing you pictures on my computer. And then unexpectedly, you leaned over me and kissed me on the forehead. I was surprised, but at the same time, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I looked up at you and smiled, and I swear, looking into your gray eyes felt so indescribably wonderful. You got up. You sat down in the floor and I was still lying on the bed, running my fingers through your hair while you were leaning against the bed. You started talking… “You know what?” you asked me. I responded with “What?” and you then proceeded to explain that when I had acted like you didn’t matter to me, you wondered why you had even come in the first place. You knew it was a mistake and you were upset because you’d taken the time to come and I didn’t even care. I smiled and sat up and looked at you as you continued. You told me that these past few weeks, you had realized you’d fallen for me.

A million thoughts ran through my head. Was this for real? What were you going to do next? We’re already separated by miles, and soon we’ll be even further when we both move to school next year. Were you about to kiss me? I looked at you and you looked back at me. I started to open my mouth and tell you that I’d fallen for you around July, and since then I’d gotten really good at hiding it. It was all on the tip of my tongue, the moment was about to be perfect and complete. Everything I’d hoped for was about to come true… then I felt myself waking up.

And all was gone. Nothing was real.

In my dreams, you had the courage to tell me what I wish you felt in reality. And yet, I still didn’t have the courage to tell you what I actually do feel in real life. I’ve come close, but I don’t know where it could lead, and I can’t bring myself to risk my heart again yet. So I’m hoping that my dream means something, though I don’t know what. I hope you actually do feel that way, and soon you’ll tell me. But I know it’s a long shot. I know you have a life of your own and I’m only a tiny little sliver of it. But I can’t give up, not yet. I can’t give up until I know whether or not you and I could ever have a chance.